Ghosting Myself
All her backyard glory - taken straight from an iPhone camera
Have you ever lost track of yourself or shown up in ways you don’t recognize? I have. The other day I was sitting on my bed doing my makeup. It was a sunny, spring day in May and I had my window open. For some reason, I turned and looked out the window and the tree that I’ve seen for 16 years suddenly seemed as if it had grown and moved closer to the window. Impossible! It reminded me of a scene in Bruce Almighty, where Jim Carey’s character lasso’s the moon closer to impress his girlfriend played by Jennifer Anniston. Was someone lassoing this tree to make it bigger for me to see?
I got up and walked outside, taking my phone camera, to capture the grandeur of the tree. As I got closer, the white, popcorn-like appearance came into focus and I could see that it wasn’t pure white, there were little pops of color in pink and red. Inching even closer, and snapping pictures on my phone, I started to hear a hive of activity – literally! Thousands of bees were up there, somewhere in the tree’s stratosphere, buzzing around gathering the precious pollens and delivering them where they needed to go. Slightly frightening and fully awe inspiring.
No filter - look at those pops of pink!
I have looked at that tree every day since and noticed how big it is, how white, and magnificently stretched upward to show off its fine regalia. How many times have I not seen this? How many times have I taken for granted the cycle of life happening right outside my window? How many times have I ghosted the beauty around me – depriving myself of brief moments full of wonder and joy? More times than I can name or count.
I think this is like the popular discussion around ghosting another individual. According to the Psychology Today website (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/ghosting) the definition of ghosting is: “abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace.”
Yes. True. Agreed. I have ghosted my relationship with nature. I left my sweet tree hanging in the balance waiting for connection and explanation from me. Waiting for more than just a half-hearted glance as I walk by the window. I had disappeared…and with no explanation other than a myriad of excuses of being busy, tired, forgetful, or lazy. Poor tree, poor me. I missed out on some joy and wonder. I ghosted my own feelings as well and the part of me that loved trees as a child – and still do. Welcome back to me, and tree. I am in the land of the living and loving again. I’m planning to stay.
Where else have I disappeared to myself? Where can I reconnect and explain with my inner wisdom, what I no longer ‘see’ in the grandeur around me. I welcome my own answers and yours.
