Mental health ... We don’t talk about it or pay attention to it or heal it until there is a severity that can shut most humans down …

Somber is the way heaviness presses me to a warm slumber. Almost the exact opposite of motivation. Lack of motivation and desire and progress.

I have always been a private person and yet somehow my insides have always found their way out. We have a tree in our backyard. It’s a tiny purple plum and last year we were certain it was dead.

Remember my trip to Africa last summer? Well, I do…some of it. Since the third trip is what we remember, I can honestly say that my memory has already faded.

Motivation feels like I am a racehorse waiting to get out of the gate. Not quite yet the release, grrrrrr the not yet, almost, wait it will be just a second.

Hi! Remember me…and my three trips. I’m still on trip one as I contemplate and prepare for Zambia. To say my ‘anticipatory feelings’ are getting the best of me, is an understatement. They are ruling my life. Like the Disney movie, Inside Out, I imagine them lined up fighting for control and fear is winning…followed closely by anxiety.

When we travel, we actually take three trips. There’s the first trip of preparation and anticipation, packing and daydreaming. There’s the trip you’re actually on. And then, there’s the trip you remember.

Discouragement runs deep. It feels like the cells pull downward into an abyss of nothing is as it should be.

I have ghosted my relationship with nature. I left my sweet tree hanging in the balance waiting for connection and explanation from me. Waiting for more than just a half-hearted glance as I walk by the window.

I have spent so many days, hours and energy taking care of other people. Always being on alert to their feelings and preferences and wants and needs and…

My ghosts come out when I am laying face down. I don’t know why. But they come, and I have become a better tender of them over the years.

Energy in motion (EIM). Emotions. I have spent so much of my depth understanding and

learning them.