Three Trips: Trip One
I recently read the book “Between Two Kingdoms” by Suleika Jaouad. The book is Suleika’s memoir of her leukemia diagnosis, treatment, and post-treatment. Three ‘trips’. In her post-treatment journey, she traveled all over the USA to visit people who wrote her and supported her when she was in treatment. One was a man she met who said something to her that I found quite profound. Suleika writes, “He has a theory: When we travel, we actually take three trips. There’s the first trip of preparation and anticipation, packing and daydreaming. There’s the trip you’re actually on. And then, there’s the trip you remember. “The key is to try to keep all three as separate as possible,” he says. ‘The key is to be present wherever you are right now.’ This advice, more than any, stays with me.”
Hmmm…so much truth to unpack in that statement. I have been on many trips and have 2 planned for this summer. The first, is a simple trip to Arizona to see my family, work-family, and soak up some sun. I have my daily schedule mapped out and since I’ve been there many times, I feel very comfortable with the plane ride, what I will be eating, where I will be sleeping, who I will be spending time with, and why I am going…it’s a work trip.
My second trip is not fully planned out. I am going with a humanitarian group, Mothers Without Borders, to Zambia. I have a general idea of what will happen and who I’m going with. What I don’t know is what I will be doing daily? who I will be seeing? what I will be experiencing? and honestly where I will be. I have never been to Africa. I don’t know what it looks like other than it is a long plane-ride away. I am told that to keep us ‘present’ in our days they have intentionally kept things vague. I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable. I want to prepare and anticipate, pack and daydream. ‘What if’s’ fill my brain and anxiety whooshes in when I worry that I won’t have packed the right clothing or brought enough money or forget something important. I can’t seem to stop myself from wanting the logistics and details to be firmly in place. I want to take the trip in my mind first, but I have no choice but to be present and wait until I get to each step of the journey. Just be.
How many times have I lived an event in the ‘planning’ stage first and then been disappointed in the actual event when things didn’t go according to that plan? How many times have I forgotten all the little details that went into the planning and the executing, only to remember what I felt in the moment of that party, graduation, first milestone, funeral, trip, or life, really. The key is to stay in each ‘trip’ as it happens and avoid jumping ahead. I have a sneaking suspicion that each ‘trip’ has its benefits and joys. I also know that I have missed a lot of joys as I planned and did and reflected.
It’s a challenge to stay present. It’s a challenge to not revisit the past of ‘what ifs’ and it’s hardest to not jump to the future of what it will be like when it’s over.
So, here I sit. Zambia plane tickets booked, packing list at the ready, money saved, and no idea what is going to happen. I will let you know when I get there.
